So.. I cried while making this video.
The 5 year old me, who cried praying every single day to wake up the next day with a penis wouldn’t have imagined that he could see that in the mirror today.
I’m not going to sugarcoat my journey transitioning to be smooth. It was far from that. Having to rewire 20 years of my life raised, treated and the norms of being a “female” was a very tough time for me. Friends come and go. Couldn’t mix with my usual girl gang due to my transition, still getting misgendered and was in a loop of having to stick to society’s toxic masculinity and stereotypes. It was a lot. Got told a lot that nobody would love me because I’m “neither a boy or girl” or that I didn’t deserve true love for a path I “chose”.
Something that I regretted coming out as a transgender man, wishing I would just be non-binary and go by he/them pronouns.
But I know my journey was better than most. Despite all the setback and medical conditions, being denied basic healthcare, difficulties and straight up rejections due to me looking like a dude but my IC says I’m a woman, social life and my mental health has taken a toll on me.
It’s been an interesting place to constantly coming out to people, trying to adapt, unlearn and learn, fall into depression and anxiety and trying to get out of that shithole.
It’s been really hard, but most people and random DMs from people who found me on YouTube or ig always never fail to make me feel better and stronger.
I’m not on social media chasing likes or fame, I’m just here because I know if 5yo me sees hope in my transition, that’s enough reasons for me to stay in this toxic space filled with viral trends and fake shit.
So here’s to another year of kindness, may 2021 be the year of you be blessed abundantly with health, happiness and growth. Cheers, everyone. Take care and stay safe x
#ftm #transman #lgbt #lgbtmalaysia #transgender #transgendermalaysia #transition #transgendermale #transgenderman #lgbtq #lgbtpride
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